I Didn’t Plan This

There’s a saying that goes: “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans.” We all have visions of how we expect our lives to play out. We dream, we plan, we have goals. We tend to have this fantasy that life will turn out how we wanted just because we planned it to be. At least I did. But I’ve learned that some of life’s greatest experiences, lessons and triumphs come when plans go out the window and life takes you in the most unexpected places.

I didn’t plan on going through a divorce before my daughter was even a year old.

I didn’t plan on being a single mom. Ever.

I didn’t plan on raising a baby on my own while going back to school in another state for my graduate degree.

I didn’t plan on buying a house as a divorced mom instead of waiting for Mr. Right to come along and complete the picture.

I didn’t plan on letting my defenses down and falling madly in love with my now husband, 3 weeks after meeting him.

I didn’t plan on taking such a big chance and marrying again 8 months after meeting him.

I didn’t plan on having my first pregnancy be completely normal and then being diagnosed with an Incompetent Cervix during my second pregnancy.

I didn’t plan on having my body fail me and losing a child.

I didn’t plan on being so broken from it.

I didn’t plan on not being ashamed of it anymore.

I didn’t plan on almost losing another child and being on bed rest for 6 months with my third pregnancy.

I didn’t plan on this changing my priorities so much that I would leave my job at the peak of my career and become a stay-at-home mom.

I didn’t plan on finding a new purpose in life centered around my family, not my job or finances.

I didn’t plan on making the break from Ohio and moving. Anywhere.

I didn’t plan on being a mom of “advanced maternal age” and still having babies into my late thirties.

I didn’t plan on wanting to have babies into my late thirties.

I didn’t plan on having two living parents, but a relationship with neither.

I didn’t plan on being at peace with that.

I didn’t plan on being able to pick myself up so many times and still finding the strength to keep going.

I didn’t plan on still happily dreaming and making plans for the future.

I didn’t plan on ending up with such a good life, despite the challenges and setbacks.

I didn’t plan on finally giving this writing thing a chance.

I didn’t plan any of this…Life just happened. And I’m ok with that.

Image © gfpeck