The Tooth Fairy (Almost) Fail

Yesterday, my oldest son lost his first tooth. Now, of course this was a big deal. But it also brought me a little bit of anxiety.

I remembered tiptoeing through his sister’s room at night when I was her Tooth Fairy. It was always fraught with peril as I stepped on toys and tripped over minefields of crap on her bedroom floor. With near sprained ankles and an elevated heart rate, I trudged on, not wanting to be responsible for destroying the magic of the Tooth Fairy for her.

I tried not to think about the days of yesteryear throughout the evening, but as we got closer to bedtime, I knew my Tooth Fairy mission was near. 

I tucked my newly toothless son in and he pushed his tooth right under the middle of his pillow. “Why don’t we move it over here, near the corner!” I suggested. He looked perplexed and drug it back over, deep under his pillow. I knew this would make for a difficult retrieval.

“Look, let’s just move it back here to the edge,” I pleaded. As he tried to move it again, I said “Look, ya want the tooth fairy to come, this is where your tooth needs to be!” He relented and I left his room, making sure to move any roadblocks out of the way.

The clock ticked away that evening and I waited until he was sure to be sound asleep. I tiptoed upstairs about 9:15pm and stood at his door. I thought I heard movement and went back downstairs. “That was quick!” my husband said. “I don’t think he’s sleep. I’ll try again later,” I replied (disappointed that it wasn’t over yet).

At about 10:00, I went back up and quietly opened his door. I slowly went in and the floor squeaked. My son turned over and mumbled something. It froze me in my tracks and I panicked. He was so excited about this tooth fairy visit. He can’t find me here on his first tooth loss! I got through like 10 with his sister!

I stood still as a statue for what felt like hours. With every step I took, he moved again. Man, this little dude is a restless sleeper. I turned my phone light on to find his pillow in the dark. It sounded like he sat up, and I stood still again, my legs trembling trying not to make any sounds.

I felt for his pillow and rustled his hair by accident. He moaned, and moved even closer to my hand. I eventually shoved the money under his pillow but couldn’t find the tooth. Crap, he must have moved it. He turned over again, and I slowly backed away and then almost ran out of the room. Great, now I have to go downstairs a failure with no tooth! 

My husband asked what took me so long. It was now almost 10:30. I was upstairs screwing around for almost half an hour?!? How crazy is that? I told my husband that what mattered most was that our son got the money. In the morning, I would explain that the tooth fairy had a bag of other kid’s teeth and it was so full, she had to leave his behind. The hubby proceeded to tease me about quitting, but I couldn’t face the mission again. I was done.

“Since it’s so easy, you go and finish it Mr. I Would Have Been In And Out In Two Seconds.” He shook his head, still giving me grief over my failed attempt and went up himself. He too came back down within a minute. “He was awake. I heard him moving. You woke him up!” he claimed. “Or maybe you just got scared and didn’t want to go in, just like me.” He denied my speculations and vowed to return.

At this point the question should be asked “How many parents does it take to be the Tooth Fairy.” Later, dad went up again and minutes later came back down. “Is it complete? You get the tooth??” I asked with much hope. “No, I opened the door and my watch kept lighting up. And do you know how squeaky the floor is??” “Hmph,” I said with a little satisfaction. “Not so simple is it?”

He took his watch off, put some special military grade noise deafening socks on (or at least that’s what I giggled about in my head) and went back upstairs yet again. A few minutes later, he came down again looking like he caught the winning touchdown at the Super Bowl. He obviously retrieved the tooth. “I don’t quit on my missions!” he gloated. “You didn’t exactly get it done quickly or without false starts. We were a team. Teamwork makes the dreamwork,” I reminded him. But he insisted that he alone saved the day.

“You have failed this city!” he declared with a raspy voice. If aren’t familiar with the tv show “Arrow” you probably won’t get that reference. We spent several more minutes going back and forth about who did the better job. It was really ridiculous.

I wondered if the boy really slept through all the commotion in his room last night, but he woke up this morning and checked his pillow. He was truly surprised and excited to find the money and the tooth gone. He told me: “I didn’t even sleep last night. But I guess the tooth fairy came anyway. I don’t even remember her coming!!” Ah, it was a success after all!

Having a son much more active at night than my daughter has brought this Tooth Fairy thing to a whole ‘nother level. I did fail my mission for the first time ever and it took two parents two hours to ultimately complete it. I’ve decided that for next time (to preserve my sanity), the Tooth Fairy will request all teeth to be left hanging in a pouch on the doorknob, outside of the room. Hey, it’s a new day. It’s about time she updated her M.O. 

Featured Image: Marcos Bessa