This Beautiful Mess

The other day, I was doing my typical clean up after the kids went to bed and it felt like this never ending cycle. I put everything away neatly in it’s place and tidied up the house to a presentable state. I looked around and knew that it would only last but a little while. As they do everyday, the kids will wake up and mess up the house all over again with their toys and trail of destruction.

This particular evening, I was a bit grumpier than usual. Sometimes the daily grind of parenthood wears on you. It’s like Groundhog Day. The same thing over and over. Why are they so messy? Why can’t they just put their toys away or leave them in their designated spaces? What is this mysterious substance on my couch? One day, I won’t have to deal with this anymore, I thought to myself.

At this point, I’m envisioning 12-year-old versions of my children. And 16-year-olds. And I’m excited by their future independence, because frankly it gets tiring being a mom of young kids. Yeah…one day these toys, crumbs and handprints all over the windows will be a distant memory.

Then it hit me. That sentiment went from glee to a rather sad reality. Because one day, they will be done with the toys. Instead they will be in their rooms. Locked away in their own little worlds. My 10-year-old has already started this practice. I wonder what she’s doing in there. And why she doesn’t want to do it with me. There was a time when she couldn’t stand to have us out of her sight, much like her brothers are now.

One day they will much prefer the texts and calls from their friends than to play with train tracks and trains. My son will stop telling me constantly that I’m his best friend, because he will have a real best friend. They’ll have secrets and inside jokes that I will be totally shut out of.

One day, I won’t be cleaning up after them at night, but instead getting a phone call that they won’t be home for dinner because they’ve made other plans. It may be a day that they’ve spent working a summer job and I haven’t even seen them since morning. But they can’t make a mess if they aren’t here, right?

One day, they will be gone. Gone off to college. Or gone off to their first apartment. And then I will have that tidy house I always dreamed of. No more messes. And no more them. Sure, they will always be a huge part of my life. But it will never be the same once they leave home. One day, I will long for this toy filled mess of a house and wonder why I made such a big deal out of it.

As my mind drifted back to the present, I continued to put away the Tonka trucks and the race cars. My mood lightened and I reminded myself that this is the mess of a happy, playful, young family. A mess made by kids that still view me as the center of their world. Kids who want to copy everything mom and dad do because they still think we’re “cool.”

This is the purest time I’ll ever have with them. A time of innocence and imagination; their lives not encumbered by the weight of adulthood or true responsibilities. Their souls not tainted by broken hearts or lost dreams. They are just happy, carefree children.

Time goes by so quickly. I’ll have my neat, spotless house soon enough. I doubt I’ll like it as much as I fantasize I will. For now…I will try to remember to fully enjoy and embrace this beautiful mess.