12 Days Of Christmas – Kid Edition

As we near the end of another holiday season, I have been inspired to rewrite a classic holiday song. Here is my version of the 12 Days of Christmas. In this rendition, my true loves are my children.

 

On the First day of Christmas my children gave to me

a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Second day of Christmas my children gave to me

Two hours of fighting

and a headache to last the whole day (where’s the aspirin).

 

On the Third day of Christmas my children gave to me

Three beautiful smiles

Two hours of fighting (shut the hell up!!)

and a headache to last the the whole day (maybe I’m having an aneurysm).

 

On the Fourth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Four bags of crap from the school gift shop

Three beautiful smiles (they aren’t always annoying)

Two hours of fighting (I’m giving you one more warning!)

and a headache to last the whole day

 

On the Fifth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Five…hours of sleep!!

Four bags of crap from the school gift shop (they charged how much for this…thingamajig?)

Three beautiful smiles

Two hours of fighting (I will send you to boarding school if you don’t knock it off!)

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Sixth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Six rocks from outside

Five…hours of sleep!! (when does it end!!!)

Four bags of crap from the school gift shop (have to practice my fake “I love it!” routine)

Three beautiful smiles (if you people weren’t so cute, I might give you away right now)

Two hours of fighting (I forgot I need to go pick up some milk…in Utah. See you in a few days!)

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Seventh day of Christmas my children gave to me

Seven reasons to cancel Christmas

Six rocks from outside (no, these didn’t come from Mars)

Five…hours of sleep!! (I hate my life)

Four bags of crap from the school gift shop

Three beautiful smiles (they still have my dimple)

Two hours of fighting (what is wrong with these children?)

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Eighth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Eight early bedtimes (I told you to stop fighting)

Seven reasons to cancel Christmas

Six rocks from outside (what am I supposed to do with these?)

Five…hours of sleep!! (Forget it! Who needs sleep? I’ll just become a crazed scientist!)

Four bags of crap (Next year, I’m telling her I’ve taken a vow of poverty and have forsaken all earthly goods)

Three beautiful smiles

Two hours of fighting

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Ninth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Nine days of trying to figure out a new place to put that stupid elf on the shelf because I’ve run out of ideas

Eight early bedtimes (this is kinda nice).

Seven reasons to cancel Christmas (I mean it!)

Six rocks from outside (I don’t know what happened to them! They just disappeared!)

Five…hours of sleep!!

Four bags of crap

Three beautiful smiles

Two hours of fighting

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Tenth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Ten minutes of peace to watch my favorite show (they can be considerate sometimes)

Nine days of trying to figure out where to put the elf (I should just tell them he died)

Eight early bedtimes (no really. I kind of like having the day end this early)

Seven reasons to cancel Christmas (this is NOT an empty threat people)

Six rocks from outside (Oh, great. You brought me more…)

Five…hours of sleep!! (I didn’t know Gilligan’s Island came on at 2 am!)

Four bags of crap (I am done giving her money to waste on this junk)

Three beautiful smiles (their saving grace)

Two hours of fighting (seriously, can’t you people get along for 5 seconds)

and a headache to last the whole day.

 

On the Eleventh day of Christmas my children gave to me

Eleven dirty diapers

Ten minutes of peace to watch my favorite show (who are these new characters? I’m so lost)

Nine days of trying to figure out what to do with the elf (I could tell them they were so bad, he went back to Santa never to return)

Eight early bedtimes

Seven Reasons to cancel Christmas

Six rocks from outside (no, I’m not putting them in a vase)

Five…hours of  sleep. (I will never lay my head on a pillow again)

Four bags of crap (How long before I can put this in my drawer)

Three beautiful smiles (stop being so cute. I can’t stay mad!!)

Two hours of fighting

and a headache to last the whole day (I can feel my heartbeat in my head)

 

On the Twelfth day of Christmas my children gave to me

Twelve “Is it Christmas yets”

Eleven dirty diapers (what did you eat??)

Ten minutes of peace to watch my favorite show (why do I bother…)

Nine days of stressing over the elf (the dog could use a new chew toy)

Eight early bedtimes (I have never felt so wonderful!)

Seven reasons to cancel Christmas (please don’t let them see through my empty threats)

Six rocks from outside (maybe I’ll start a rock collection)

Five…hours of sleep (These bags add character to my face)

Four bags of crap (I’ve always wanted a plastic goose keyring…)

Three beautiful smiles (awww)

Two hours of fighting (Kumbaya, my lord. Kumbaya…

and a headache to last the whole day (forget the aspirin. Where’s the wine?)

 

Featured image by Dianne Lacourciere