Change Is Good

What a difference a year makes. Last year at this time, I had all 3 children at home, all day, everyday. I felt overwhelmed and exhausted from homeschooling a child who was behind after being in inferior school systems. At the same time, I was trying to handle 2 disruptive boys who just wanted mom’s full attention again. I was also in limbo because I didn’t know if we were staying in Arizona or leaving. Life wasn’t all that fun for awhile.

Now my daughter is busy at school all day with this new life of her own. She tells me about how she learned all this stuff last year and wonders why the other kids are struggling. I remind her that the other kids didn’t have such a swell teacher (i.e. me) and it’s new to them. But seriously, I thank my lucky stars that she is thriving in 5th grade, and that I didn’t muck up everything for her.

She comes home and does her homework, completes her chores, practices her flute and then sits down and catches up with her mom. Oh, wait. That last part is my fantasy. She actually prefers to spend her free time Facetiming her new friends (doesn’t she see them enough at school?) or hanging out in her room writing or reading. I rarely get to have much of a conversation with her during the week with all the chaos.

My oldest son has been acting out a bit lately and I realized that he’s been doing a great job of hiding his separation anxiety. He goes from the cocoon of once having the majority of his family together all day, to having his sister gone most of the time and now he’s out of the house too. He’s never been left without at least one of us. But he is slowly adjusting, as we continue to reassure him that change is both scary and good sometimes.

As for me, I’m still acting like a tourist here. The moment the trees started changing colors, I went outside and took pictures daily like it was my first Midwestern Fall.

I almost got misty eyed when we went to a HalloWeekend at Cedar Point after a long absence. It’s like I never left, but also feels like a lifetime has passed.

In other shocking, “is the world about to end” news, this introvert threw a party! I was so excited to experience a real Fall and be close to family and friends again, that I thought “why not have a Fall themed celebration?!?” It can be a celebration of the season, a welcome home to myself and a housewarming party all at the same time.

My husband thought I had bumped my head or lost my mind, because I don’t usually volunteer to be around lots of people. But I felt like it was time to try new things. Branch out and spread my wings. Or as my brother-in-law said, when the entertaining bug hits you, that’s when you know you’re getting old.

The party went great (at least that’s what they tell me) and I am now throwing a Christmas party too. I’m just getting crazy with it! No, I am not a raging extrovert now. I still struggle with socializing and being amongst people for an extended period of time. And there’s no leaving your own party early when you need some downtime.

But I enjoyed my first hosting experience greatly and I’m so glad I went out of my comfort zone. Opening up my private space, (the safe zone I call my home) to the people I care about was an important step for me. As I’ve been telling my son: Change is both scary and good sometimes.

We are gearing up for the holidays now and I am excited. Last year, I barely decorated for Halloween and at some point in November I told my husband that I didn’t think I was going to put a tree up. I just wasn’t feeling the spirit when it was bright and sunny, 80 degrees and no visible change in seasons. I ended up decorating after all, but not before I gave myself a multi-day pep talk.

This year, I need no prodding. I am definitely decorating and very much looking forward to the holidays. Yes, I still hate the cold and cloudy skies. But that’s what I associate with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Like it or not, barren trees, hats and gloves, and snow remind me of the holidays I grew up with. It’s not all pretty, but it’s familiar in a comforting way.

I look forward to going to a Christmas lights display at a local zoo this year. Unlike my last experience, I’ll be freezing and uncomfortable as I see my breath drift in the cold air. I’ll wonder if the kids are bundled up enough and worry about them catching colds. But then I’ll come home to some hot chocolate and a blanket, watch the twinkle of the Christmas lights and smile, hoping for a white Christmas. Because sometimes, you don’t want things to change too much. But don’t tell my son that.

Image credit: Martin Deutsch