Children In The Sanctuary: Come As You Are (Without The Kids)

My husband and I have very different ideas about what we want in a church. He wants calm, small and serene. I want a little bit of entertainment and for it to be big enough that I can get lost in the crowd. Who wants the pastor knowing that you came in 2 minutes late? But since we left Ohio, my family and I have been without a church home. When we started the search for a place to worship after our move, I had no clue that children in the sanctuary was going to become such an issue.

A few months after our move to Texas, we began our church search in earnest. At one of the churches, we were greeted by the head pastor. After some small talk, he mentioned that there was a Children’s Ministry for us to take the kids to during the service. I politely thanked him for letting us know, but preferred to keep the kids with us.

As church was minutes from starting, the head pastor came back to us again. “He sure seems focused on us,” I thought to myself. He made more small talk and said he understood that we were new so we may not feel ready to take the kids out yet. He lingered as if he wanted to say more but eventually left. Then a 2nd pastor came over with a greeting and another pitch about the great time our little ones would have in the children’s area. I was getting annoyed at the overly persistent hints regarding my kids. Yet, I still wanted to give this church a chance.

We came back the next week with even more pressure to remove the children from the sanctuary. “Why is this such a big deal?” I wondered aloud to my husband. When our toddler would get too fussy, we took him out. We sat at the very back of the church on the end seats so we wouldn’t be a distraction. Besides, when I go somewhere new, I just don’t feel comfortable leaving my prized possessions with strangers. And why do I have to worship separately from my children?

I was over the full court press about my kids. I left that day frustrated but still determined to find a church.

The last church visit was a few weeks later and definitely the worst. A greeter barely said hi before we were hustled over to the “Children’s Church.” After being given the tour, we said our usual “thanks for the info” and went to sit down. We were pretty much ignored except for a few uncomfortable looks at our kids. It was the unspoken look of: “Don’t you know that children don’t belong in the sanctuary?!?”

My son had some fidgety moments but he didn’t cry. We took him out during quiet times to be polite. However, he would continue to let out short bursts of happy toddler sounds sporadically. A couple of people turned around during this, looking very displeased. Then a church member came over and basically said that we either need to take our child to the Children’s Ministry or leave. My husband and I looked at each other and without saying a word, we got up and left.

I was disappointed, annoyed, and even a little hurt. We basically got kicked out of church! I know, I could have done as I was told and sent my children away, but I didn’t expect a church to give an ultimatum like that. And that was the last time we visited a church.

Every now and then, I get the urge to find a new church home. But that memory of not feeling welcome lingers and I’m turned off. I want the option to worship with my entire family. Is that so wrong? Maybe I don’t want to drop my kids off in a church daycare. My husband works all week and we would like church to be family time. A Children’s Ministry or daycare, in my opinion, should be an option for those who choose it. Not a requirement for entry.

I don’t know when we will go to a church again. I now have 3 children in tow and I’m not in the mood for another disappointing experience. I did some research on this and and found that my experience is not uncommon. This is an actual issue and controversy in today’s churches.

I just can’t imagine Jesus preaching the Good News and then stopping to say “Hey, get those noisy kids out of here!!” Call me crazy, but I think it’s a good thing for families to be able to worship together. For children to see their parents practicing their faith. Is it really that serious if you encounter a fidgety child who makes a strange noise or two? I’m assuming most parents will take their children out before it gets too out of hand. I want to go to a church where children are not thought of as interruptions, but as a welcome part of the church family, bad manners and all. 

Do you agree that families should worship together or do you feel like children don’t belong in the sanctuary? Let me know in the comments!

Featured Image by Brittany Randolph