Conquering My Fears: Me v Phone

What fears you ask? Did I jump out of an airplane? No, that is one fear that will never be conquered. Did I tell someone off that really deserved it? No, I try to avoid conflict and unpleasantries.

I actually did something that I consider really major. I made…a phone call. That’s right. I called someone. Yes, it sounds crazy. I have a fear, phobia, whatever you want to call it, of talking on the phone. I guess it’s all a part of this introvert thing I’ve got going on.

It really is an absurd phobia. This fear of making phone calls has actually affected my daily decision making. For instance, I choose most of my services based on online availability. I will actually choose a doctor based on whether or not they allow you to make online appointments. The evolution of the internet has probably added a decade to my life, as I am much more likely to go to the doctor now (even when I’m not dying).

I will forever not know something I really needed to know, rather than simply call. If I can google it or find it on a website, even if it takes me hours, I will do it. Asking me to call and find out is the equivalent of asking me to slap a nun. How dare you?

When they invented online ordering for pizza, my consumption of it went through the roof! I was eating that stuff every other day for weeks. Thank you, internet gods!

When my phone rings, my heart stops. It’s like, don’t you understand how much I don’t want to talk to whoever you are right now? Text me! And don’t let it be a number I don’t recognize. I’m downright offended.

I’ve even made (or avoided) friendships based on their call/text preferences. If you like to text 99% of the time, omg, we are totally gonna be BFFs.

And it’s not just phone calls. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve kept clothing that didn’t fit or an item that needed to be returned just to avoid the interaction. A repairman is coming to my house? I need a day to mentally prepare.

When I finally get the nerve to make a phone call, I actually write down what I’m going to say beforehand. I can’t be sounding as awkward as I really feel! I even write things that I really should know already (like my birthday, address, why I’m calling). Just in case I forget or something.

So, today was one of those days that I conquered my fear, picked up the phone and called someone. I’m getting my taxes done this weekend and realized I didn’t have my year end tax statement for a house I own. I thought, no problemo. I’ll just go online and request it there. Then I typed the wrong password in one too many times and got locked out. The next screen said something truly awful and horrific: Please call Customer Service. I’m still traumatized.

Whaat?!?! No, there must be some mistake. Oh, yes, I’ll just email customer service and tell them what happened. I go to email and it says to login first. To my LOCKED OUT ACCOUNT. Craaaap!!!!!

I pondered what this all meant. I even thought for a brief, insane second…(ok, a few minutes) that maybe we didn’t really need to claim the interest I paid over the year on the house! It probably wasn’t going to help us much anyway. Yeah, that’s how I’ll get out of this. Then I snapped out of my delusional state and realized that the hubby would definitely not go for that. So, I stared at the screen. I paced back and forth. And then it hit me. There is no. way. out.

I finally picked up the phone and dialed. Surprisingly, the interactive voice response system asked if I wanted my tax information. Yes, I quickly responded! I was gleeful at the thought of not having to talk to a live person.

But, wait. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know this was coming. The IVR lady told me what I needed to know while I was fumbling for a pen. I had no idea what she said so I tried to get back to that prompt. I was taken to another menu, but it never gave me the tax info option again. Ask me again, dammit! Ask me again!

I finally just gave up and held on for an operator. He was nice. I got what I needed quick and easy. And then it was over. Wow, that wasn’t so bad.

It’s never that bad. I know it’s much ado about nothing. Until the next time I have to do it. But I really am a fully functioning adult in most areas of my life. Just don’t ask me to make a phone call. That’s much too hard.

Featured photo credit: Martin Cathrae