Do You See What I See? | Raising Black Sons In America

I have two sons. They are bi-racial with fair skin. They are prone to rich tans in the summer sun. They get complimented often on their beautiful brown eyes and soft curly hair. People like to run their fingers through that hair. Strangers want to hold my youngest son. He still inspires the biggest smiles out of people from all walks of life. My sons are cute now. But what will the perception of my two sons be 10 years from now? 20 years from now? What will I face raising black sons in America?

What will happen when their sweet baby faces sprout forth stubble or beards? When their soft curly hair is replaced by buzz cuts like their father or they shave their heads bald? What will happen when their tiny frames grow to 6 feet tall and 200 pounds? Will they still be cute to you? Will you still feel safe around them?

Will you still see those beautiful brown eyes that once drew you to them? Or will those same eyes look menacing? As if there is a plot to rob or harm you behind those eyes. Will you still want to have a conversation with them? Approach them? Or will you make assumptions based on the melanin in their skin and turn the other way? Maybe they will make you cross the street or lock your doors.

Though my sons are half-white and I will always recognize and celebrate all aspects of their heritage, I know what the world will see. Black men. There is a certain fear of the black man that we all know is there, whether we want to admit it or not. This is one aspect my daughter will not experience. Though she will go through life with even darker skin than my sons, she will not be automatically threatening or intimidating. She will of course have other assumptions about her to deal with.

You know what I see when I look at my sons? Beautiful boys who I have so many hopes and dreams for. I will always look into their brown eyes and see the same boys I see today, even when they are grown. I see future men who have the potential to be anything they want to be in life. I see boys who will one day become fathers and husbands. I see boys who will make a difference in this world.

Every black man is someone’s son. Someone’s brother, father, uncle, friend. They feel, they hurt, they bleed just the same. They are human beings, not scary monsters. They were once someone’s little baby boy who was held so tightly by their mothers. Remember that the next time you pass one and make unfair assumptions about who they are. Remember that the next time you see a news story about another unnecessary death of a black man. Remember that when you ignore their suffering but bash them for not kneeling for an anthem. If you believe racism doesn’t exist anymore, than nothing I’ve said will make any kind of sense to you. But it is indeed alive and well. And as a mother, it breaks my heart. I can deal with it myself, but I am powerless to protect my children from it.

When I hear about the death of an unarmed black man at the hands of police, such as the Terence Crutcher case in Tulsa, I don’t hate police officers. I don’t hate white people. You know what I feel? Sadness. My soul weeps. It is not just another news story to people of color. Every black person knows that it could happen to them next. It could be their children or someone they love. Before you tell us to calm down and relax, take the time to understand where we are coming from.

I can’t fix this world. I so wish I could magically replace all hate with love. We hate what is different from us. We fear what is different from us. But the problem is not with those who are different. Change starts from within.

Even if you are not a person of color and can’t directly relate to the things going on in this country, we need you. We need your compassion, we need your support, we need your understanding. We need you to stand with us. We need you to use the passion you have inside of you not to burn a Colin Kaepernick jersey, but to help make the world a better place for all of our sons and daughters. We need you to not be so quick to drown out Black Lives Matter with All Lives Matter or Blue Lives Matter, but to ask why there is a need for people of color to remind the world that their lives matter…TOO. Black Americans can’t fix things by themselves. People from all races and backgrounds are necessary to bring about a change in this country.

I try not to get into race relations or politics in my posts. I’m just a mommy blogger who tells funny stories about her kids. But sometimes, the world isn’t a funny place. And this is about being a mom and just wanting my kids to go out into the world and be safe. I want them to not have their car break down and instead of being helped, never get to go home to see their families again.

Right now, I am going to hug my children tight. I will look into their sweet eyes, and hope that the world sees them like I see them: as the wonderful, bright, loving human beings that they are. And pray that somehow, someway this country will be a better place for their children and their children’s children.

Featured Image Credit: John Murden