I Am A Frumpy Wife

Maybe I’m not quite a “frumpy” wife, but I am all too aware that my wardrobe consists of way too many sweats and oversized shirts. My husband says that I look just fine, but what is he supposed to say? He does hint about how he likes when I get all fancied up and wishes I wore dresses and skirts more often because I look so pretty in them. I feel pretty at those times too. But I can count on one hand how many times I’ve worn something that needed to be ironed or dry cleaned this year. He even used to “joke” that it would be a nice surprise to see me in something other than my kid friendly attire when he got home from work every once in awhile. Except I’m not so sure if those were jokes or suggestions. I would be perfectly willing to put on my Sunday best every day, apron included and greet my husband at the door with my nicely coiffed hair and freshly touched up lips ready for a kiss. But only if someone transported me back to 1953.

Don’t get me wrong. My husband does his best to make me feel beautiful and to compliment me, even when I’m wearing my favorite shirt with the hole in it. I remember the BC era so well (before children). I made a conscious effort to look “cute” and was well put together at all times. I look in the mirror sometimes and I wonder “What the hell happened?” But I know what happened. Kids happened. I’m a stay-at-home mom right now so they are my job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I wouldn’t change a thing, but it has played a major role in my daily appearance.

I dress for the job. You wouldn’t wear a suit or a ballgown to go work in a factory. So, I dress for the daily tasks ahead. My oldest son will use my shirt for a tissue. I am pulled on and clung to all. day. long. I have been puked on, peed on, and slobbered on all before breakfast. And that was just yesterday. Several weeks ago the baby had a stomach virus and I got poo all over me. I wanted to weep and tear my clothes in anguish from pure disgust. Who feels sexy after that?

One area that my husband constantly badgers me on is my granny panties. Yeah, I wear them sometimes and they are darn comfy. I am not ashamed. But I get it. I’m a wife too. Not just a mother. And men are visual creatures. It’s not like I wear them all the time. It all started when I had my first kid. I needed something a little more comfortable to wear while I was recovering from childbirth. Enter the granny panties. And now I just can’t quit ’em!

But what about me? Women want something to look at too! Somehow we’ve been painted as being all about love and emotions and we don’t care about the physical. I don’t know where that lie came from. So I told my husband that to be fair, he needed an undergarment upgrade as well. I figured that would buy me some time. At least another 5 years or so. The kids would be fairly self-sufficient by then and I’d be more up for the change. But he actually went and bought new drawers. I was shocked. And I also realized that he must be really sick of my granny panties.

I happened to be good and pregnant with my youngest son when the granny panty debate really became front and center. This was a really awkward time to be worried about sexy underwear when you are busting out of your clothes and you can’t even see your underwear under your big belly. So I really had no intentions of wearing bikini cuts anytime soon. I guess I wasn’t cooperating fast enough, because I found new underwear waiting for me on my dresser one day. Dang! He is really serious about this, I thought. My husband never picks out clothes for me. Ever.

In my effort to compromise, I have agreed to get rid of most of my comfy undergarments. Reluctantly. But as a last ditch effort, I even sent the hubby articles on granny panties making a comeback! One of the articles was actually titled “Put Down That Thong, Girl. Granny Panties Are Coming Back in Style.” Woo-hoo! Isn’t that awesome? No, said dear hubby. Not at all.

Yes, I know some women can take care of the kids and house and look wonderfully delicious at all times. I salute them. But I’m just not feeling it right now.  My husband and I have been making babies and now raising babies from almost the beginning of our marriage and I am in a stage in my life where I’m exhausted most of the time. Plus, parenting a baby and toddler is a very physical and messy job. Putting on makeup and shopping for the latest fashions is pretty low on my priority list. However I do want to be appealing to my husband as well. I’d like for him to not just see me as a Frumpy Fran. So, I am vowing to bring out the dresses a little more often and put away the sweats once in awhile. Maybe get acquainted with a local hairdresser on occasion. But I will wait until the kids are at least wiping their own butts before I go for the extreme makeover. And maybe I will be able to convince my husband that granny panties are now the new thongs.

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