Learning to Wait

Patience is something I am not good at. I want what I want and I want it now. Being patient when I have desires and goals I wish to accomplish becomes tiresome. I start to feel like it will never happen. And then, I usually make some really foolish and avoidable mistakes. I have taken some long and winding detours along the way because of my refusal to simply be still and wait. Detours that had me feeling like one of the Israelites who wandered 40 years in the wilderness before reaching the Promised Land. I grew up with lots of church and bible stories so I often refer to them in my own life.

Fortunately, I’ve been been able to accomplish most of the things I set out to in life. I’m married with a beautiful family. But it didn’t happen the way I wanted or expected. It took a divorce and a few extra years of waiting before I was blessed with the right marriage and a happy family life. You see, you can get what you want, when you want it if you try hard enough and force it. But it usually won’t be God’s best for you. Or if you don’t believe in God, you can replace that with the universe. Learning that lesson has been a tough pill to swallow.

Nothing I’ve wanted has come easily or quickly. I planned on having kids in my mid 20s. I didn’t even start until 30 and didn’t finish until my late 30s. But I am no less blessed because of the delay. I planned on getting a college degree by 22 or 23. It took me 8 years total to get my undergraduate degree and I was 27.

I went on to receive a graduate degree and planned on making good use of it. I left Wayne State University wanting to be a cataloger or work in record preservation. I know, that’s certainly not everyone’s dream job, but it was mine. But I went back to my job as a librarian. There was no place for my skill set at the time and I had to accept that.

I eventually grew comfortable and my dream job wasn’t as pressing. This time, I had interesting detours. I was a Children’s Librarian at the Main Library.  I genuinely enjoyed working with children, books and puppets. I went to the Business Technology department and the challenge of that kept me on my toes every day. I eventually ended up at a cozy branch that felt like a second home. I loved my boss and my co-workers were awesome. I liked it there. And one day, my dream job desires died. I had so much patience, I didn’t even want it anymore. Until the change came.

Suddenly my branch went from a Monday through Friday branch to a Tuesday through Saturday branch. And my hell began. My regular babysitter didn’t do Saturdays and I didn’t have backups. I was a single parent by then and was pretty much on my own. I was suddenly uncomfortable in my current situation. Very uncomfortable. Forget my dream job, I wasn’t even sure if I would have a job at the end of it.

I contemplated quitting just to find something that didn’t require Saturdays. I constantly used up all my leave to get weekends off. I’m so grateful to my boss, who worked with me as much as she could and was beyond understanding. I was at my wit’s end and didn’t know what to do. I felt hopeless and alone. And then, during my darkest time, I opened my work email and saw a job opening. My dream job.

But it was more than I really planned on doing. It was a management position. I didn’t want to be a manager necessarily. It was a position that had been held for 30 years by the outgoing person. I can’t replace her. A position that played a pretty big role in the system. I couldn’t do that job. They probably won’t give me the chance. I’m too green. But I’m smart. I went to school for this. I’m a fast learner. I was now struggling with the confidence to go for what I wanted.

Yet, it was almost like I had to. I could not only do what I’ve been waiting for, but this Saturday nightmare would end. I was either going to quit or get fired for my eventual unavailability. It was now or never. So, I went for it. And I got it! But I would have never had the nerve to apply had I not been uncomfortable. I’m now thankful for the Saturday crisis because it pushed me to go for my dreams. All that craziness worked together for my good. But it didn’t happen overnight. I had to be patient. And I was rewarded.

Sometimes you just have to wait. Sometimes you have to see past all of the delays, interruptions and distractions and keep your eyes on the prize. Your dreams aren’t dead just because it didn’t happen today, or doesn’t happen tomorrow or even next year. During the waiting process, you may even come to realize that your goals need to be tweaked and refined.

Waiting, however, can turn into complacency. You can get too comfortable with the status quo and you may need to be pushed off the ledge by encountering an uncomfortable situation or challenges. Just know that there is often a purpose for what you’re going through, even when you don’t understand it at the time. And what seems like a setback can be preparing you for amazing things to come.

Right now, I’m in my Waiting Season again. It’s in my nature to accomplish one goal and then be on to the next. The things I want right now simply aren’t in the cards. I know that with time, it will happen. Some of the things will take not only time, but courage and a lot of effort. But when we have to wait for things or put dreams on the back burner, that is a good time to work on ourselves. Polish up our skills. Become a better person. Save up if it requires a financial investment. Flesh out a plan. Time is never really wasted. I read a quote once that said: “Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”

Featured Image by Timo Gufler