Life and Woes of an Introverted Mom
I have been an introvert since I can remember. I never felt a strong desire to play with other children as a kid. I didn’t really care about making new friends. I certainly didn’t go up to random children and strangers and start chatting like my 8-year-old has always been comfortable doing.
I remember my first day of half-day preschool. It is seared into my brain. I went up to the gates of hell… ok the double doors leading into the classroom, and looked up into the glass. I put my hands into my back pockets and sighed as I gazed upon my new teacher, a nun, surrounded by several excited, smiling children. My older sister gave me a slight push and told me to go in. All I thought about was how there were way too many people in that room and how I could be at home watching the Showcase Showdown on the Price is Right.
Nothing has changed much since then. I still like to keep to myself. I abhor small talk with people I’m not familiar with. I’d much rather text than talk on the phone. And social events can be completely draining. Some people think it’s shyness. Or snobbery. But no. I’m just a loner. An introvert. Content to enjoy the company of a close few, because I don’t have to be “on” with them. I am also blessed with Resting Bitchface Syndrome or RBS. I seem to look unapproachable, even when I’m having the most pleasant of days. This usually protects me from random people starting unwanted conversations with me in the doctor’s office, elevators and playgrounds.
My introversion hasn’t been something that I felt the need to change or that seemed to be a problem. Until I had kids. Suddenly, I’m faced with play dates, birthday parties, extracurricular activities, the parents at school. Bad news for an introverted mom like me. This. Is. Not. Happening.
My daughter has started to get more birthday party invites this year. I’ve avoided them pretty successfully in the past. She either didn’t seem all that interested in going or just didn’t know the kids that well. Now, she’s showing interest and saying things like ”Oh, my god mom. I have to go!” Crap. That means I have to meet her friends’ parents. Actually talk to them. I begged and pleaded with dad to take her to her first birthday party. He reluctantly agreed, but says he’s one and done. Ugh. Why does she have to be so… social? Not that I want my children to be like me, but they are dragging me into their social life. And I don’t like it!
My husband keeps telling me to accept that I’m going to have to get involved and be more outgoing. We will have 3 children with three different sets of friends and parents that will go with them. My heart sank. I can’t handle this. My daughter recently told me that she’s been trying to set up a play date with her new best friend at school and that the girl says her mom wants to get to know me first. I get that. I feel the same way. But, honestly, I don’t want to get to know this girl’s mom. I want to pick my own relationships and associations, not have people forced on me based on who my kids are friends with! And why are they making play date plans without even telling me? I want everything back to normal! Please!?! No one warned me about this in the “Bringing Home Baby” manual!
One time my daughter had a little neighborhood girl over and they played outside for a bit. I thought, ok, this isn’t so bad. I’d met her grandmother (and main caretaker) briefly and survived. We exchanged phone numbers and I prayed she’d never call. The kids seemed to be getting along. But then my daughter comes in saying her friend was bored. I looked at her and asked, ”What do you want me to do about it?” I am not June Cleaver or Donna Reed. I have no desire to play UNO and charades with my kids’ friends while serving fresh made lunches with a pleasant smile. I told my dear child that I guess she should find a new way to entertain her friend or maybe this girl should go home (please go home). She sighs, gives me the “really, mom” look and goes back outside. Yep, there will be no parenting awards for me.
Unfortunately, I will never be the mom that all the neighborhood kids know and love and who’s house they want to hang out at. I have no interest in joining mom groups, the PTA or hosting parties or social events. I even avoid taking my kids to story time at the library because I might just have to socialize with the other parents. As a former librarian, this is downright shameful.
My children are nothing like me and seem destined to be the social butterflies that I never was, and I’m happy for them. I realize that I will have to come out of my shell if the kids are going to have the social life they desire. Or maybe my husband will agree to being the public face for the family and telling all the teachers, parents and friends that his wife and mother of his children left for parts unknown, never to be seen or heard from again. I’d be perfectly ok with that.
