A Mixed Race Family in a Small White Town

For most of my life as a child and young adult, I never really thought about “race.” For the first 5 years of my life, I lived in a mostly black neighborhood. Then we moved to a neighborhood that was majority white. Until black people started moving in. I can tell you white flight is a real thing. I went to a black elementary school. I went to a black church. I never had a chance to really feel different.

Post Junior High, my world looked less and less like me. By college, I would often find myself the only person of color in the class. When I had several experiences of people questioning my education and skills and flat out not wanting my help on a new job, I then knew that my sheltered existence was much different than the real world.

I can’t say I’ve had too many unpleasant experiences since I’ve been with husband (who is white). But as we’ve moved from place to place, it seems our cities and neighborhoods have gotten whiter and whiter. It hasn’t been on purpose. We look for things like safety, quality of schools, the look and feel of the town, and proximity to jobs. We fall in love and then discover, oh shoot, it’s not very diverse.

Here in Chelsea, Michigan, it is 97% white and .7% black. Not even a full 1%! But it was too late. Once we visited it, we couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. We could have been just as happy living in the closest neighboring town (Dexter, MI) which happens to be 96% white and .4% black. And my 10yo daughter is totally over it.

My daughter has always made friends and very shortly starts to feel comfortable in her new schools and new surroundings. But one day after we moved here she asked me if she would be the only black girl in school again. I shrugged and said, probably. She sighed and exclaimed “I wish there were more black people here!” I was a little taken aback. I didn’t realize how much this was bothering her.

To be honest, I feel it too at times. I don’t like to feel like the odd man out. We all want to fit in. I get it. And my 10yo’s frustration suddenly made me doubt our choices. Was it better to be in the perfect spot for us, even at the expense of diversity? Was it fair to put my black daughter and bi-racial sons in a small white town where they would always be different? Maybe even the victim of some backwards people who still judge human beings on skin color? Will they be stopped by police more often because they don’t blend in?

Of course I want diversity. But I’ve found you just can’t have everything you want, so you end up making sacrifices. I hope I made the right “sacrifice.” I’ve already got my daughter wanting to straighten her hair and bemoaning the fact that she’ll never have white hair like her classmates. She now thinks her nose is too big and I’m trying to decipher what she’s thinking when she mentions her dark tans.

Heck, I went through that too. I whined as a kid, wondering why I couldn’t go dance in the rain without my hair frizzing up or why I couldn’t have longer hair. And I wasn’t even around white people that much. So I’m not sure if my daughter’s self esteem about certain physical features would change, regardless of where she grew up. Maybe it’s just societal pressures.

Now that we’ve bought the house and I know we’re sticking around, I want to be a part of the community and go to events. But I find myself thinking, “I bet we’ll be the only brown folks there.” I can just envision a photographer taking our picture at an event and plastering it on the city’s promotional materials: “Hey, black folks live here too!” We passed by a small church and my husband raised the possibility of going there. I wondered how welcome we would feel.

I’ve put more focus lately on going to Ann Arbor for events, our future church, and kid activities. I know the population has more of a mixture, and I really do want my children to be exposed to more diversity. They definitely won’t get that in their neighborhood, schools or churches around here. I just want them to have friends and acquaintances who are white, black and brown. However, I know while they are growing up, most of their friends will be white, just because of where we are.

And with all of my hesitations, I really don’t think that’s such a bad thing. Isn’t that how we bring down barriers? The people here need to be exposed to more diversity as well. I sometimes feel like a quitter. We should go to the festivities, the community events and be known faces around here. I just get so tired of being one of the first “pioneers.”

At the end of the day, I just want my family to be in a place where we are happy and safe. I know that I will have to teach my children to love and accept themselves for who they are. That they may be different in some aspects, but that’s part of what makes them special. What makes us all special. And that those differences are minor because if you find people who like the same things as you or you have lots of things in common with, who cares what color they are or what color you are.

As a multi-racial family, we will always have “issues” that are unique to us. We will most likely always be the mixed race family in a small white town, as I don’t see the makeup changing drastically over the next several years. But I see my children laughing and playing, enjoying their neighborhood and the place we live, and I feel like everything will work itself out.

We went to a park a couple of weeks ago and my daughter met a little girl her age. She was white, but my daughter wasn’t thinking about how she wished the girl was black. They were playing and chatting and being kids. I was happy to see that. And despite my reservations, I’m still very glad we’re here.

Featured Image Credit: F.D. Richards