Pandemic Parenting: We’re All Stressed Out!

Parenting during a pandemic has been interesting to say the least. I’d love to boast about all the creative activities my children and I have been doing during this time of lockdown and quarantines. The cool projects we’ve lovingly created and the new skills we’ve acquired. But actually, we are just trying to hold it together and get through another day.

Since the threat of Covid-19 took over our lives, I see the memes and hear the jokes about every day being groundhog day. No one knows what day it is anymore.

I hear about the dozens of naps people are now taking on the daily. The boredom. I’m guessing these folks don’t have young children because I don’t know what any day will be like and I haven’t had a real nap in 13 years.

It feels like a roller coaster ride over here. Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t. (Did I just age myself with the Almond Joy commercial reference there?)

I am now a pre-school, 1st grade and 7th grade teacher. Which is so very ironic. When I decided that homeschooling my daughter in 4th grade was going to be one and done, I told my husband there was no way I could handle 3 children in 3 different grades. Well, I guess my pandemic detecting crystal ball was broken that day.

Actually, it’s not the online schooling part that has been the toughest. We are making it through that alright. Though I do have nightmares that when they’re adults, they’ll blame any of their failures in life on losing the last 3 months of school back in 2020. But no, that’s not the biggest struggle so far.

The hardest part in all of this is seeing the subtle changes in my youngest 2.

My youngest son has always been a little ornery, but he’s been angrier and more aggressive towards his siblings the last few weeks. We went through a frustrating cycle of lectures and punishments, until one day it hit me. He’s acting out because he doesn’t know how to express his feelings about the situation we’re in.

One day, I asked him to talk to me. Not the best idea with a 5 year-old. He really had nothing to say, so I asked him 3 leading questions. “What are you happy about?” His reply: “Being able to spend more time with my family.” Question #2: “What are you sad about?” He said “Not going to school anymore.” Question #3: “What are you scared about?” He told me: “The Coronavirus and people dying.” I learned all I needed to know.

I still have to discipline him when called for. I need him to understand that there are certain things we still can’t do, even when the earth is spinning off its axis. But I’m a lot slower to do it and prefer to talk it out. I remind him of why he may be feeling out of control. I give suggestions of other things to do when he wants to lash out. And I always let him know mom and dad are here for him if he ever just needs a hug or to talk.

My oldest son has handled things in a different manner. Aside from his off and on tantrums when it comes to the schooling portion of our day, he’s actually gotten in less trouble. He’s been better behaved in some ways.

But he’s also been very clingy. He hugs me more. He gets upset when he doesn’t get the spot on the couch next to me. He kisses my arms and cheeks a dozen times a day. He tells both me and his dad how much he loves us and that we are the best parents in the world.

He is obviously holding on to the people who make him feel safe, when everything else is so uncertain. Yes, sometimes it feels a bit too much and I crave a little space. But I know he needs me right now more than ever. And when he looks back on this, I want him to feel like I was his rock. His life preserver in the storm.

We are all acting out in some way. I’ve been eating my stress away and obsessively plotting my new life as a Doomsday Prepper. My husband was on an Amazon buying spree for awhile. He gets inexplicably moody from time to time. My daughter throws out doomsday scenarios like mosquitos one day getting the virus and passing it to us all. We are all being affected by this in some way or another.

Yet, I don’t feel like we have to be the perfect family or the perfect parents right now. These are unprecedented times. Fear of the unknown is normal. For me, pretending that nothing is wrong and everything is fine doesn’t feel normal.

I want to teach my children that it’s ok to feel. Feel it all! Be scared! Be angry! Be confused! But don’t let it consume you. Don’t let the waves overtake you and bring you under. Let it out and then let’s try to dwell on other things. Things that make us feel better. Things that we have to be grateful for. And if we need to hold on to the people we love tighter to get through it, do it!

I know I am setting an example for my children right now. Do I want them to see me as the stoic, unshakeable mom who fights all battles with grace, certainty and a perpetual smile on my face? That would be nice.

But my kids will see me as human. With flaws and weaknesses. I am not perpetually chipper and unbothered by what life throws at me. But I’m able to have a bad moment and pick myself back up again and keep it moving. Overwhelmed at times, but still holding it together. Frustrated, but finding patience and understanding. I want my children to know it’s ok to be human too.

We will get through this. We always do.