The Dream Crusher of Christmas 2021

It was a day like any other. Yesterday to be exact. My 8 (almost 9) year old son came up to me with questions. Christmas magic related questions. I wasn’t surprised. He’s been throwing hints for three years that he was beginning to realize Santa wasn’t real. Typical questions include: “How does he travel around the world delivering presents in a single night? How does he get in our house without a chimney? Why doesn’t he age? Why do you buy wrapping paper? Do you buy us the presents?” And the dreaded question: “do you think Santa is real?”

Little White Lies

I have taught the importance of honesty with my children since they could talk. And it’s easy to feel like you aren’t lying when they don’t ask you specific, direct questions about Santa. I always try to answer “is Santa real” query with “Do you think he’s real?” As long as the answer remained “yes”, I’d say to my kids “that’s all that matters.” Thankfully, my 6 year old is still in a perpetual state of innocence and bliss….oblivious to all the things that don’t make sense.

Santa is not the only topic of discussion and doubt at Christmastime for the 8 year old. I’ll refer to him as Mr. Logic for the rest of this blog. He’s had a lot of questions about our resident Elf on the Shelf, Peppermint Sugarfig. This year, like last year, Mr. Logic kept talking about why there’s a tag on our Elf who was supposedly from the North Pole. This year, he asked if he was made in China. And the kicker of them all, he finally pondered out loud “Wouldn’t it be crazy if you and dad were the ones moving him around?!?” He looked at me, waiting for an answer. I turned my head away and said “that would be crazy, wouldn’t it!” I laughed nervously.

This is when I really started to crack. So many questions every year! All coming at me at the same time. Why me? Why not put dad on the spot?? He obviously knows and he’s just watching me squirm.

Big Sis Made It So Easy

Our daughter found out about the same age. She basically told me the jig was up. “Santa isn’t real, is he?” she said one day. Just like with Mr. Logic, I said, “what do you think?” She then proceeded to tell me that she figured out that we were buying the presents, wrapping them at night and putting them under the tree, pretending they were from Santa. I said, alrighty then, you’ve figured it out! I did the happy dance internally as the domino effect continued and she realized the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy weren’t real either. She figured it out on her own, so I felt no guilt (even though my husband thought I shouldn’t have confirmed it). I guess I should have let it go on until her husband told her the truth on their first Christmas together. Or perhaps she and her children could all find out at the same time!

Time for the Truth

I asked my husband when we should truthfully address Mr. Logic’s suspicions. Hubby said it was a dangerous game, since he could spill the beans to his younger brother, but that he would talk to our 8 year old if I wanted. I wasn’t actually talking about ending it all that day, but maybe it was time. What if his constant questioning ruins it for our youngest son too? “Well, he seems to know anyway. And if he isn’t sure, I’d rather he hear it from us than some kid at school,” I said. Kids today are so wise to the world. I can see them telling him the truth in a not so nice way. And knowing my son, who can get a little emotional about things, he’s either going to shed a tear or get really angry. Which could lead to a brawl in the playground.

We bring Mr. Logic into dad’s office for a little talk. Dad says he’s aware that Mr. Logic has been questioning Santa and the elf for years now and that we should discuss it. “You mentioned to mom that maybe we were the ones moving Peppermint Sugarfig around…” dad began. Mr. Logic shakes his head. “Seems like you’ve been having a lot of doubts lately. So…you figured it out. You’re right, we’re the ones moving him.” Mr. Logic looked surprised. “You mean, he isn’t real?” he asked.

It then dawned on me that Mr. Logic still had some childhood magic left in him. “Abort mission! Abort mission!” I screamed in my head. Dad responded, “I thought you knew because of all the questions you keep asking.” “Not really! Like, I didn’t know for sure!” he exclaimed as tears dropped. I was feeling hot. Maybe a little nauseous. My heart hurt.

There’s nothing like seeing your child realize a big part of Christmas was a lie. A well meaning one, but still… I really thought he knew, but didn’t want to admit it. Maybe he did know the truth, but hearing it out loud made it really REAL.

After he got over the shock, he said things really were suspicious. He was relieved that his suspicions were valid, but still disappointed at the same time. However, Santa hadn’t come up yet. Does he get that it’s ALL not real? Are we really going to leave the room and leave this open ended so we have to come back and go through this all over again??? I certainly wasn’t going to say anything. I had done enough.

Then, it dawned on him. “Wait, does that mean…Santa’s not real either?” he wondered. I clutched my shirt. I couldn’t take another emotional scene. Dad confirmed that too. He didn’t react much at this point. I guess he gave it all with the elf revelation.

He took the news of Santa pretty well. Then we reminded him that Christmas isn’t about toys and presents…yada yada yada. Christmas is still magical. We love Santa and decorations and holiday lights. I think we did a good job of selling it. Mainly because for me, I truly do love Christmas. Christmas changed the day I found out Santa wasn’t real. But I still found excitement and magic in the season. So it wasn’t a hard sell for me.

Then came the very, special moment of threatening Mr. Logic to never reveal the truth to his brother. Like never. Ever. He promised to keep it secret and actually seemed to enjoy whispering and winking about his new shared secret with his parents. Although, I had to tell him he was going to blow it and stop acting so suspicious. Chill man!

Mr. Logic had one last question. If he didn’t have to worry about Santa’s naughty list, what would we hold over him to encourage him to be good for Christmas? “Oh, now you have to worry about mom and dad’s naughty list. We’ve still got our eye on you.” Doesn’t he know that parents have coal to give out too!

Guilt Induced Googling

To ease my guilt, I’ve been looking up articles about when kids stop believing in Santa (8.4 so he’s right on target) and how to handle questions. After reading that when questions come in frequently, it might be a good time to have “the talk” and discovering that some parents would let their kids discover things on purpose, I felt so much better. After sending my husband one of the articles relieving my burden of guilt, my husband told me to stop trying to make myself feel better about being the Dream Crusher. He’s really having fun rubbing this in. I actually did feel like the Dream Crusher and had terrible nightmares when I went to bed last night. I’ll swear Santa and Peppermint Sugarfig is real to my 6 year old until he’s 30!

This morning, our son is fine (although he said he sometimes he wishes he didn’t know). He has not yet told his brother. And like his sister, he figured out the Easter Bunny isn’t real either. He admitted he and his brother snuck in our room long ago and found eggs and candy in our closet, so no shocker there. He asked was there any more secrets he needed to know about and I said no. He knew it all! Although he didn’t mention the Tooth Fairy. Does he still believe in her too? Is this another conversation to be had?? Oh god, no!!!