The First Steps

My 14-month-old son has recently started walking. He’s been toying with it since his first birthday, but now he means business. In place of mostly standing with timid steps every so often, he now walks with a certain level of confidence. And though he still falls after making it half way across the room, he gets back up and tries again. And the wonder of it all never gets old.

This is my 3rd experience with a child learning to walk. And still, it’s like I’m going through it for the first time. I’m just as excited about my youngest child’s first steps as I was about my oldest child’s, almost 10 years ago. There is something magical about seeing a baby that was so helpless and fragile just months ago become so much more independent. That fragile baby that I carried around who couldn’t even hold a bottle to feed himself is now walking? Yeah, that baby. It’s amazing and joyous and scary all at the same time.

You see, as much as I gripe and complain about these needy, helpless children that cling to me day and night…well, I secretly need them more than they need me. As soon as they start walking, talking and feeding themselves, things inevitably change. Their attention turns elsewhere because I’m not their sole means of support and survival. They enjoy their newfound freedom and a new sense of awareness of the world around them. It’s a joyous occasion for me too. But the relationship I have with them gradually becomes different.

Now, instead of being content to sit with me and cuddle on my lap, my 1-year-old squirms and wants to get down to explore and play. Instead of my 3-year-old wanting only me, he prefers the attention of his sister. And the daughter who once wanted nothing more than to talk my ear off, has to sometimes be begged for information on how her day went or what she’s feeling.

Don’t get me wrong. Change is good. I want them to grow up and learn to fend for themselves. It sure makes my life easier and adds more fun to our family. But sometimes I look at all 3 of my children and I just want to say, “Slow down! You’re growing up too fast!” I silently dread the day when maybe they won’t need me anymore. For anything. But no, I remind myself. No matter how old or successful you get in life, you always need your mother. And I’ll always be there for them. Even if they forget to call.

So to my children, I know you have to grow up. I know things will change. And yes, I do complain sometimes about my never ending servitude to you all. But know that I enjoyed every minute of it. And if I hug you in front of your friends when you’re 12 or if I drive you nuts with my worry and concern for you when you’re 20, just know: you will always be my babies. So bear with me. After all, I changed your dirty diapers and lost way too much sleep for you guys. But if you let me kiss your head every once in awhile and let me bore you with “when you were a baby” stories from time to time, I’ll consider it payment in full. Just kidding. I’ll guilt trip all 3 of you like nobody’s business for the rest of my life. That’s what mothers are for!

Featured Image By Philippe Put