Thoughts and Mumblings From the School Pick-up Line
Ah, the school pick-up line. 5 days a week of observations, expletives, misery and sometimes not so deep thoughts. Who knew something so seemingly simple would turn into the bane of my existence. A peek into my typical musings and gripes throughout the week.
1. Why are all the moms walking around wearing yoga pants? Did I miss the memo? Is this Suburban Mom Wear 101? Maybe I should start wearing yoga pants. Hey, there’s another mom wearing them! Yep, I definitely need some yoga pants.
2. $%#@! I’m so far back today! If I had gotten here 5 minutes earlier I’d be at least 6-7 cars ahead!
3. (Morning drop-off) Oh, no. That kid is in my daughter’s class. He’s got a really fancy poster for that homework assignment. I know his mom did it for him. Shoot. I should have done more with hers. I thought it was good though. I’m such a slacker mom.
4. Really, red minivan? You’re just gonna cut in front of me? And you have the nerve to have Jesus bumper stickers all over your car? Wonder what he thinks of you cutting in front of me just now. Thou shalt not CUT in the car line! Shame on you!
5. I’m so tired of sitting here everyday. I’m bored. I hate this. I should homeschool. Then I could be done with this nonsense. Live out in the country. Far, far away from this. Maybe start an organic garden. Live off the land. Yep, I’m gonna look into homeschooling.
6. I’m starving. I hope no one sees me stuffing my face.
7. (Morning drop-off) 2 kids, 3 kids, 4 kids…they just keep getting out! Is this a frigging clown car?
8. Maybe I should go back to work. I didn’t deal with school pick-up lines when I was working.
9. Aw, I like those family stickers on the back of that car. I need to get them for my back window. But then I’d officially be a “soccer mom.” I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
10. Why is the line moving and the cars in front of me aren’t budging? Wait, I’ve been sitting behind empty cars this whole time? Doh!
11. I’m sure not getting behind empty cars today. Gonna squeeze into this space right here. Uh oh. There actually issomeone in the car behind me. I just cut in line. Sorry, lady. Didn’t know you were there. I would never do that intentionally. Bet she’s shooting daggers at me.
12. Ooh, I love this song! I haven’t heard this song in forever (starts singing and bobbing). I’m probably too old to be bouncing in the car to music like this.
13. An Ohio license plate. Hey, I’m from Ohio too. You’re all right with me, Red Truck.
14. I’m at the front of the line today? I actually made it into the parking lot!?! Winning!! Woot-woot!
15. And what do you think you’re doing, buddy? So you think you’re gonna come 5 minutes before the bell rings and just pull to the front of the line, put your blinker on and be let in? I’ve been sitting here for a half an hour! Oh, no my friend. You will pay your dues and wait like everyone else. Not today, sir. Not today!!
16. Son: Go bye, bye mom?
Me: It’s not time. We have to wait for sissy to get out of school.
Son: Go bye, bye mom!?!
Me: It’s not time yet.
Son: I hungry, snacks?
Me: (Looking feverishly for something. Tears purse apart. Looks on floor, in glove compartment. Spots snack dangling between the seats. Whew.) Here you go!
Son: (2 seconds later) I don’t want it.
17. Hey fancy, schmancy Lexus! Get off your phone and move up with the line! Let’s get this show on the road! You do this every frickin’ day!
18. Why is it so quiet in here? The boy must be napping (looks in rear view mirror). Oh yeah, I left him at home with dad today. (nervously starts giggling about my poor memory.)
19. I’m wasting the best years of my life sitting in this stupid car line.
20. (Morning drop-off) Ok, we’re running late. What’s the hold up, Blue Buick? Oh great. Why didn’t your kids have their coats on before we got up to the door! Now I have to sit through hugs and kisses? Come on!!!
21. I should really do something more constructive while I’m sitting here instead of grumbling. Start reading a book? Start writing a book? Research that thing I was thinking about? Nah…effing Chrysler!!
Image © MoBikeFed
