The Unapologetic Introvert

The mom of one of my daughter’s classmates came up to me at a school event not too long ago. We had never met before and she seemed very nice. However, she was quite talkative and just a bit overwhelming for my comfort level. She shared with me details about home life and the things going on in her family. I smiled and nodded, but admittedly didn’t offer up much myself.

When a suggestion to exchange phone numbers came up, I panicked because I knew that my introverted personality would not be a good fit for this mom. After an interruption by my son before I could answer, I ended up not addressing the number exchange and changed the subject.

Later, my daughter informed me that her classmate (and daughter of said mom) told her that her mother said that I didn’t seem like I wanted to talk and that I appeared distant and standoffish. My daughter shrugged and told the girl “that’s just my mom. She’s an Introvert.”

When my daughter told me this, I instinctively went into apology mode, feeling guilty for leaving a negative impression. This wasn’t the first time I had heard these descriptions and it won’t be the last. But I stopped myself. Why does everyone have to be an Extrovert to be considered “nice?” Why do I have to match their style of communicating or I’m deemed standoffish or unfriendly or snotty? When did reserved become such a bad thing?

I expressed all of these questions and more out loud and both my husband and daughter were looking at me with wide eyes, wondering where the heck I was going with this.

What they were witnessing was my sudden self acceptance. I spend so much time, saying “I wish I weren’t an introvert but…” “I’m sorry that I come off like this, this or that.” “It bothers me that this person I don’t really care about thinks I’m something I’m not…”

But that day I just said, “I don’t feel like I have to be friends with everyone that wants to be friends with me. I need time to feel people out before I let them into my space. And sometimes I never do. And why do I have to? I am who I am, people! Deal with it!” As I continued this discussion with no one in particular, my family looked on in silence as I transformed into this new, confident being.

I was feeling so good and free that I really wanted to break out in a rendition of the song, “I Gotta Be Me.” But I thought that might just be too much. 

I’m done apologizing over this. I’m an Introvert dang-it and I don’t feel bad about it. Sure, sometimes I want to break out of my shell and be someone else for a day, to know what it’s like to be the life of the party. But those moments are fleeting because that’s simply not who I am.

I can’t handle going out for too long because my social battery drains quickly. I feel pressure to be “on” when I just want to blend into the background. I’m not talkative unless I know you really, really well and even then, sometimes I’m just quiet and withdrawn. I don’t have a bubbly personality and being fake about it is not something I’m good at. I get annoyed with myself if I have to fake smile or fake laugh or fake anything for very long.

All of this is ok and no longer needs an apology or explanation. From this day forward, I am an Unapologetic Introvert. I tell my daughter constantly to “always be yourself and be someone that YOU like, not conforming to what you think others want you to be. And if people don’t like the real you, then they can kick rocks.” I guess I was really telling myself what I needed to hear too.