When One Door Closes, It’s a Great Excuse to Stay Inside

Last month during my daughter’s Spring Break, I watched as she sat in the house day after day. She seemed bored and restless. Frankly, she was getting on my nerves. After a wet and cool end to the winter, the weather was starting to get nice again. I thought that this would be the perfect time to break away from the tv, her ipod and the comfort of the indoors and do something wild and crazy. Go outside and play! I know. How dare I suggest such a thing to the youth of today.

I’ve lived in a few different neighborhoods recently and all of them had one thing in common. The streets have been barren, desolate landscapes. Devoid of any sign of humans under the age of 20. The only proof of the existence of children is in the mornings as they wait at the bus stop, with their heads buried in their iPhones.

Back when I was a kid (I know I’m getting old because I’m reminiscing about the good old days), kids actually played outside. I could play for hours. I went bike riding. Played kick ball. Watched the neighborhood girls playing jump rope and double dutch. I just watched because I was too uncoordinated for more than one rope. Kids sat on porches and (gasp) talked to each other. We ran and played until we wore ourselves out.

This is why my daughter confuses me. She views going outside as some kind of punishment. She literally cried every day that I sent her outside to play during her week vacation. Crying? I used to beg to go outside! The first day of her outdoor adventures, she began screaming non-stop as if she was being attacked or kidnapped. As I ran to the door to find out what she was upset about, she yells: “There was a bee flying near my head!” As I feared a police visit from the concerned calls of the neighbors, I threatened severe consequences if she ever screamed like that again (unless she was being stabbed). But she did get to come in, so 8 year-old: 1. Mom: 0.

As if to foil my plans again, she started having trouble opening the door every time she was instructed to go out. Every day, she pulled and yanked on the unlocked door. “I can’t open it!!” she cried. I guess that was my cue to say, “Oh, never mind. You can stay in.” But to her disappointment, I would simply open the door for her and send her on her way.

I suspected this whole door thing was a ruse, but she continued to do it for days. And then days turned into weeks. Could this be true that my 8 year-old can’t open a door?? What will her future hold if she can’t open a door? That’s it. I’m going to be stuck with her living at home forever because she can’t open doors or function on her own. I went to the worst possible scenarios over this.

I tried to show her. Twist knob, pull open!! Dad tried to show her. Twist knob, pull open!! Her Nana was visiting and tried to show her. Twist knob, pull open!! Still to no avail. This is crazy. Where have I gone wrong!! I began to dread sending her outside, knowing the door drama that was to come.

Yesterday, my husband told her to go outside and once again the tears began to flow. “I don’t want to go out!” she wailed. “You need the fresh air,” we told her. “I don’t want fresh air! You don’t even have to feed me anymore!” Wow, this is sad. She does the slow walk to the door and of course, she still can’t open it.

Dad, at his wit’s end, decided that this child was full of it. He sent her on a fake errand and while she was gone, he secretly opened the door just enough so that all she had to do was pull. She comes back and we still hear the familiar pulling and yanking of a closed door. As the sound of tears and yanking continued, we both looked at each other in disbelief. Dad said “Let’s try this again.” He had me send her upstairs two more times, and each time she would return to an already opened door that she would somehow still not open. After the third strikeout, my husband was over it.

From now on, if she couldn’t figure out a way to open the door, she would lose a toy. I finally got her to admit her month long deception and I thanked the heavens that she just might be a self-sufficient adult after all. I have to give her an A for effort and determination, although it never got her the desired results.

Unsurprisingly, she had no trouble opening the door this morning. I’m not sure when playing outside became so awful, but I will be spending the next several years encouraging her to enjoy sunshine, fresh air and the beauty of nature. Or, I will just be helping her to develop some fine acting skills as she comes up with new and inventive ways to avoid the great outdoors.

Featured Image © Spencer Means