Why Not Me?

I’ve thought a lot about the legacy that I will leave my children one day. I am painfully aware that I will not always be there to give them the advice and guidance that they will need throughout their lives. It may be due to distance, circumstances or that inevitable time that will come when I will no longer be around.

That’s why I wanted to leave them letters to look back on so that they will always have a piece of me, even if just through my words. I want them to have memories of our life together as a family as well as a bit of motherly advice mixed in. These blogs are those letters.

To My Children,

Right now, you all are so young (9, 2 and 6 months old). So full of innocence and potential. I wish I could protect your hearts from the cruelties and disappointments of life. I can’t shield you from tough times, but hopefully I can help you learn how to deal with them.

My daughter, you are just now starting to face some things in your life that are getting you down. Things that I can’t fix. I know when you come to me about your problems or what seems like end of the world issues, you may think I don’t care as much as I should by my responses. It’s usually something that ends with: “You have to move on from it.” “I know it hurts, but don’t dwell on the negative.” “Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.” It’s not that I don’t care. Just the opposite. I just want my children to be survivors, not victims.

If only I could promise the three of you a perfect life. I would love to be able to tell you that everything your heart desires will come true. But I would not be a good mother if I didn’t properly prepare you for the realities of life. Things will not always go your way. People that you thought would never hurt you will let you down in the worst possible ways. You may lose a job or be treated unfairly. You may suffer loss that leaves an ache in your soul that never fully goes away.

You will fall down. We all do! But the true test of your character is whether you get back up again. And again. And again. When it feels like everything is going wrong and the waves are crashing around you, don’t get swept under! Be strong. Get up! Fight until you’ve got nothing left! And then fight some more. I will never encourage you to wallow in self-pity or dwell on your sorrows for too long. Instead I will encourage you to focus on the good, not because I want you to live in denial. But because giving too much time, thought and energy to the negatives in your life will make you bitter. It will leave you sad and depressed. Sometimes unable to function or appreciate what is good in your life.

I can smile today not because I’ve never had bad times. I’ve been there. My life is filled with disappointments, pain and regrets. I’ve been tested in ways I never imagined. I used to often wonder “Why me? What have I done to deserve this?” Until one day, it dawned on me that no one promised me an easy life. Who am I to think that somehow I should have been granted some special immunity to trials and tribulations. Bad things happen to “good” people all the time. And good things happen to bad people too. It didn’t make my problems any less difficult or painful, but I gained perspective. Instead of having a “why me?” attitude, I now have a “why not me?” outlook. There often is no rhyme or reason behind our trials. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person; that karma is raining down on you for some long forgotten misdeed. Or that God hates you. Sometimes it just is what it is.

We all have struggles. It’s how you deal with those struggles. I am a survivor. I have my faults and weaknesses, but one thing I do know is that I am a strong person. I have found a way to keep going long after I thought I couldn’t. I hope that I can pass that strength to the three of you.

My children, please remember to never give up no matter how bad it gets. Give life to the positives that surround you. You can always find them if you look hard enough. Let no person or situation break you. As long as you are alive, there is hope that it will get better tomorrow. Even if getting better just means you’ve learned how to cope with your hardships. I believe you have a warrior spirit that runs through your veins! Tap into it! I am not raising wimps!

Lastly, I want to leave you with a quote that I live by that has helped me many times over the years and maybe it will resonate with you one day as well: “Tough times never last. But tough people do.”

Love always,

Mom

Featured Image by D Sharon Pruitt